Amplifying Mental & Emotional Health for
Asian Americans

“Have you ever had Reiki done before?” she asked. 

“Well, kind of,” I said.

I knew about the concept, because a coworker from a previous job had told me about how her friend practices Reiki as a healing method and at the time, I was trying everything I could to fix my bulimia. I even went to see her friend for a session and walked away not feeling much of anything. 

After an hour and a half conversation, which is what our session ended up being, I ask, "Can I get on the table, so you can check my energy?"

"I can see it from here," he tells me matter-of-factly, sitting across from me and leaning against the green wall opposite the one my back is resting upon, a familiar arrangement for the two of us. "Your energy is fine. Where you are right now, this is the Judy I know. This is you. This is you in your power."

"Try to remember this feeling always," he shares in a quiet, yet solid way.

I am good at teaching beginners because I did not have good teachers teaching me when I was a beginner at so many things in life — when I hit logic in math, I was failing. My brain could simply not compute. My parents yelled at me that I was stupid. They said, “Why can’t you get this?”

I abandoned myself when I slept with a guy I met at a bar, this first person who’d paid attention to me after I’d finished my year-long stint at an intensive outpatient eating disorder program in Los Angeles.

I abandoned myself when I would have dinner with men, because I was so deeply entrenched in my eating disorder – food being my addiction of choice – that I would go out with them and share my beautiful precious time and energy just to have a free meal.

What’s next?

Asian American men, no one knows this except Asian American men, at least for a portion of our lives, we walk around with a clenched fist in our pocket. And we’re ready to fight, because people have been shitting on our head all our lives. And like, I just feel like there is an ultraviolent streak in so many Asian American men, because of that anger. Because of that emasculation. ~ John Cho

When it was my turn, she took the 12 minutes where I sat in the passenger seat as we made our way down Olympic Boulevard to berate me with all the ways I was failing. “You’re a terrible, selfish person! Ne me zi ci! What’s wrong with you? You bastard child! Huin dan! Why can’t you do anything right! I regret ever having you!”

When I moved back from Taiwan, I was terrified. I had come back to the United States with my daughter, afraid of the wrath of my husband. I sought legal help. I had less than $200 left in my bank account. But, every single moment, the Universe kept providing for me, even when I had lost faith.

Asian Americans PBS is a five-hour film series that chronicles the contributions, and challenges of Asian Americans, the fastest-growing ethnic group in America.